Could It all Be Small Stuff?

by | Dec 21, 2020

I had a major breakdown of tremendous sadness last week. Poor Lee, he had to put up with my raccoon eyes, and sloppy tears.

Immersed in my own coaching, it wouldn’t make sense for me to believe my sadness, and keep its momentum going. I allowed myself to feel what was coming up, and knew I would have a fresh perspective on it in time. I had a lot of judgments about the situation, and they looked very real, and very reasonable.

And then, the coolest thing happened. I saw above the maze, really and truly above the maze. In the past, when in situations of the heart, I had rationalized them (and found peace) in seeing from a higher perspective, that we have agreements on a soul level with others. And I do believe that. We come here to learn and grow, and that may occur through hardship. That helped me tremendously through my own divorce and the events that preceded that break-up.

My experience recently was so far above that. I saw there was nothing to rationalize. I didn’t have to learn anything or see the lesson I was given through the situation. I actually saw the nothingness of it. The truth that it TRULY did not matter at all. I am 100% whole in the midst of disappointment. Disappointment has no bearing on my happiness whatsoever. And hanging on to right and wrong is totally made up. Now, this doesn’t mean I go back for more, if a relationship feels disrespectful or a losing battle. It means the situation has NO BEARING whatsoever on my peace of mind. It is completely irrelevant to my life and happiness. It truly has no meaning. I am not at the mercy of anyone else or anything for my peace of mind, my wholeness is an inside job. I give it meaning. I make up what makes sense to me in my little world that looks normal from my eyes.

This was a huge breakthrough for me that I had never even contemplated. I had never truly seen the irrelevance of disappointment as it relates to my wellbeing. I actually saw the irrelevance of the situation entirely. That was a huge WOW for me.

Just when you think you are ‘there’, confident YOU GOT THIS, the universe shows you another level of possibility, of freedom. I am incredibly grateful for the inside-out understanding, and The Three Principles, articulated by Sydney Banks. As my understanding continues to deepen, I wake up to my true reality. I am whole, regardless of outside circumstances.