Noticing the OK-ness of me

by | Feb 21, 2021

What’s up lately…Lee is feeling much better, toe taking it’s time to heal, me exchanging my morning walks for a beach meditation, adjusting to the current conditions.  

 As I explore more with new clients, new stories and new circumstances,  I clearly see there is a balance, an  equilibrium to it all.  We adjust with an ease and grace that I cannot say I have always had.  I notice a calmness, and OK-ness to the moment, which before in my life, may have been a struggle.  

I was sharing with my Women’s Wellbeing group that I host with my friend and colleague Del Adey-Jones, how I used to struggle with my perception of myself and create very strong rules around routine.  If I didn’t get my allotment of exercise in, I would stress and see it as a problem, which then of course, would become a problem.  I am used to walking at least 3-4 miles a day.  It is my happy time and something I look forward to every morning.  At present, that is not a good idea, as my toe is still healing, and I know any extra activity would only aggravate it.  I am still going to the gym and yoga, and modifying my workouts.  

My point, before in my life, I would have stressed terribly about not getting my exercise in, the amount I felt kept me in shape.  It would have seriously caused me (or so I thought ‘it’ was doing the causing) a ton of stress and worry.  I would have been trapped in my mind, in fear of gaining weight.  I used to live like that…everyday.  Judging myself, afraid of feeling the shame of my imagined weight gain.  It sucked being trapped in that head.  

Understanding now the made-up-ness of my fears and worries has relieved me from a trapped mind.  I no longer torcher myself over ‘thinking’ that I was relying on to keep me safe and OK in the world.  I’m OK whether or not I exercise, gain a few pounds or not, lose a few pounds or not.  I’m still OK.  I didn’t know that previously in my life.  

I am still exercising and eating my version of healthy because it is important to me.  And, I have taken this time to notice the shift in me, and my being.  I notice I am much easier on myself than I used to be, less judgmental, and less concerned about perception.  

The more and more I continue to explore the Inside-Out Understanding, the more I notice the way I show up in the world is just different.  I am not bound by my stories any longer.  I am much calmer, less reactive, and experience an overall OK-ness that I didn’t know was my natural state.