What’s up lately…Lee is feeling much better, toe taking it’s time to heal, me exchanging my morning walks for a beach meditation, adjusting to the current conditions.
As I explore more with new clients, new stories and new circumstances, I clearly see there is a balance, an equilibrium to it all. We adjust with an ease and grace that I cannot say I have always had. I notice a calmness, and OK-ness to the moment, which before in my life, may have been a struggle.
I was sharing with my Women’s Wellbeing group that I host with my friend and colleague Del Adey-Jones, how I used to struggle with my perception of myself and create very strong rules around routine. If I didn’t get my allotment of exercise in, I would stress and see it as a problem, which then of course, would become a problem. I am used to walking at least 3-4 miles a day. It is my happy time and something I look forward to every morning. At present, that is not a good idea, as my toe is still healing, and I know any extra activity would only aggravate it. I am still going to the gym and yoga, and modifying my workouts.
My point, before in my life, I would have stressed terribly about not getting my exercise in, the amount I felt kept me in shape. It would have seriously caused me (or so I thought ‘it’ was doing the causing) a ton of stress and worry. I would have been trapped in my mind, in fear of gaining weight. I used to live like that…everyday. Judging myself, afraid of feeling the shame of my imagined weight gain. It sucked being trapped in that head.
Understanding now the made-up-ness of my fears and worries has relieved me from a trapped mind. I no longer torcher myself over ‘thinking’ that I was relying on to keep me safe and OK in the world. I’m OK whether or not I exercise, gain a few pounds or not, lose a few pounds or not. I’m still OK. I didn’t know that previously in my life.
I am still exercising and eating my version of healthy because it is important to me. And, I have taken this time to notice the shift in me, and my being. I notice I am much easier on myself than I used to be, less judgmental, and less concerned about perception.
The more and more I continue to explore the Inside-Out Understanding, the more I notice the way I show up in the world is just different. I am not bound by my stories any longer. I am much calmer, less reactive, and experience an overall OK-ness that I didn’t know was my natural state.